"Complicated is just every angsty wattpad fanfic in one"
- Jaxswim, 2016
A Note from TDIFan13:
This commentary started in July 2012 and I completed it almost a year later in January 2013. With most of the reaction images I used having been deleted and a lot of the humor being outdated, I went through and revised a fair bit of my commentary to bring you this revised edition. So I'm writing this little piece in June 2016, almost four years later, and this fanfiction still blows.
Seriously. It's even worse than I remember it. But I reviewed it anyway and these are my thoughts. I would like to dedicate this commentary to Bigez620. Additionally, I would like to clarify that I'm only joking throughout the commentary. I have nothing against the author, JackyDelRey, or her fanfiction, even though she stole most of this shit from the internet. Enjoy.
The Drama Has Just Begun
It started on a cold Monday morning. I woke up extra early to do my hair for school. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, and stayed standing for a while. It's as if I felt something I never felt before... as if I knew something was going to happen today. Something bad. I ignored that and I took a seat.
As soon as the story begins, we are introduced to our narrator. What do we know so far? She enjoys waking up extra early and looking at herself in the mirror. Also, she likes to sit down but she never really tells us where she's sitting. Huh.
As I was straightening my hair, my annoying little sister ran into the room and took my cell phone! I wasn't done with my hair, so I ran out the bathroom, chasing her, as she ran through the kitchen.
I slipped on the wet floor my mom had just mopped and as I was falling, I grabbed on the table cloth and pulled it. All the breakfast on the table landed on my dad's lap.
He stood up in fury and yelled, "Get out of the kitchen!!"
We then learn that our unnamed protagonist has an unnamed sister and an unnamed father. Her sister enjoys taking her cellphone from her while her father simply enjoys flipping the fuck out when a mess is made. Life really is complicated for her.
I grabbed my cell phone and went to my room. As soon as I was going to sit down, my mom enters the room.
"Ugh. What now?" I said.
"We need to talk." She replied. "Come on, let's go to the kitchen." Great... I couldn't even finish my hair. As I was walking downstairs, my sister was crying as dad was telling her something. This didn't look good.
Didn't she just leave the kitchen? Why does she have to take so many trips? Why is her sister crying? We have yet to find out.
When we got to the living room, we sat down on the couch and she said "Today is your last day of school." I was confused, but she added, "You're going to be moving." I got pissed and started yelling at her!
... I mean... alright.
She said, "I'll let you know know more when you get back from school." I looked away angrily, as she tried to comfort me. I was so mad, I didn't even want to look at her.
I stood up and walked to my room to get my backpack to leave for school.
My sister didn't want to go to school, so I had to go the bus stop alone. As I was waiting for the bus, my cousin Clarissa came.
Ah, the first name of the story; Clarissa. We still don't know the name of our protagonist but we can just assume that she doesn't want to tell us because it's something embarrassing like Mavis or Toothpaste.
I told her that I won't be going to school any more. She shouted "What? Why?!?" I told her I was moving, but I didn't know exactly why.
The bus came and we sat together in the front. Clarissa was chatting about how she and her boyfriend are so much in love. I didn't care... maybe because I don't have one. We got to school and I walked with my friends. I told them the news... they didn't take it too well.
So the day passed and school was over. I gave my final farewell to my friends and one of my male friend told me that he likes me. I thought he was cute but we never had a thing going.
After our protagonist endures this excruciatingly fast day of school, she heads home to speak to her mother, who has something important to tell her. Maybe it's her name, because evidently this bitch doesn't know it.
I was walking through the yard going to the door, when I saw my dad with suitcases in a hurry to leave. I thought he wash going on another business trip and entered the house. My mom was crying in my room waiting for me. Seeing my mom cry makes me want to cry.
Seeing my mom yawn will often make me want to yawn.
I just stood at the door and she came to me and hugged me.
When I asked her what's wrong, there was an awkward silence. She then blurted out of nowhere saying, "I love you and I will always love you, dear"
Oh no, after hearing that, I knew this was going to be bad. She started to sob and then said, "Me and your father are getting a divorce." I shouted "WHAT!?! No this can't be happening! Please tell me this isn't true!"
My dad was at the hallway, and I ran out. I pulled his shirt and started yelling, whilst crying, "Is this true? Is this actually happening??"
My dad turned his head the other way, and walked to his room to get his last suitcase. I ran to my mom and said, "Mom! Please stop him! I don't want him to leave!" My sister ran in crying, and hugged my mom.
He said "I love you baby, and I'll be seeing you soon"
He drove off.
I just want to point out that this girl has the worst parents in the world. What the hell, Dad? Are you really too busy to give your daughter a hug or at least console her?
"Sorry I couldn't stay to say bye, sweetheart; there was a marathon of The Bachelor airing at six and I didn't want to miss the ending," Dad said.
Okay, that didn't really happen, but an explanation would've been nice. Moving on.
I fell on my knees and cried my eyes out. The neighbors came out to see what was happening but when they saw me crying they went back inside.
That night I couldn't stop crying. I hardly even slept. I woke up and my mom called us for breakfast. She made pancakes, which I love. She looked at me and smiled in a sad way. I couldn't even look at her. I just stared at my food.
"Why aren't you eating? Pancakes are your favorite" she said.
"I'M NOT HUNGRY." I shouted.
To be honest, if I was this chick, I would be glad to move. Her parents are clearly irresponsible, her neighbors don't seem to even notice that there's a crying teenage girl sitting outside, and don't even get me started on her sister and her weird phone-fetish thing.
My mom was speechless and I just stood up and walked to my room. I turned on the TV and started to watch MTV. My mom came in and stood by the door. She then said, "Pack all of your stuff... your moving to California."
My mouth dropped and I looked at her. "Are we moving there or is it a vacation?"
So like... didn't she just tell you yesterday morning that you were moving? And she sort of just repeated it a few seconds ago. What, exactly, is the point of this trip?
"No, you're moving there with your uncle and you're going to stay there for a while," she said bitterly.
She then added "I got your ticket set, you're leaving in the morning." She left and I started to pack.
Well, she sure seems cooperative all of a sudden. You don't want to try a fight a little more to stay? Okay. And you're telling me that her sister isn't even going with her? What is the explanation for that?
I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up, I got my luggage. My mom drove me to the airport and gave me my ticket.
I got on the plane and sat down.
As I looked down at the window, I let out a sigh. "California..."
... what the fuck is your name?
I arrived in California, and as I'm walking off the plane I feel the fresh breezy air going through my hair. All of a sudden I hear someone scream, "MARIAAAAH!!!"
And there it is! Her name is Mariah. That's not a bad name at all; I just don't get why we had to learn it in the second part of chapter one.
I had no idea who was calling me and I was very surprised. When I turned around, it was my cousin, Mandi waiting for me! I screamed with excitement and ran to her and hugged her.
"Oh my gosh, did you come to visit me?!?" she said.
I told her about the news as we were going into her car, driving to my uncle's house. We arrived to the house and Mandi was confused. She said, "Aren't you staying at my house?" I told her that I didn't even know where I was staying.
How many relatives does Mariah have? We've already met Clarissa, and apparently, there's a Mandi who isn't related to Mariah's uncle, which is the guy she's staying with... I'm not exactly sure how this all adds up.
My uncle, Jake came out and shouted "Mariah! What a pleasure to have you here!" I didn't have a problem staying with my uncle but I really was hoping that I could stay with Mandi.
We walked in the house and Jake told me that I'm going to sleep in the master bedroom! The master bedroom was almost bigger than my house!
As I'm getting comfortable in my new room, I realize that my luggage is not with me. Crap. I forgot them at my mom's car when I was getting off!
I texted, called, and emailed my mom about it. While I'm waiting for my mom to answer, I just layed down in my bed all worried, wondering if I left it in the car or if I forgot it at the airplane.
I picked up my phone and it was my mom.
That's not the noise a phone makes. Your phone is stupid. Stop.
She told me that my luggage was in her car and in a week, my luggage would arrive. I didn't have a problem till my uncle walked in and told me I start school tomorrow at McLean High School.
I was panicking walking in circles, thinking "What am I going to wear?!?" when I remembered... MANDI.
You're going to wear Mandi? I know you're desperate for an outfit but aren't flesh-suits a little too '80s for you?
I called her to come over and she's on her way. It was already night, and Mandi only brought 2 pairs of clothes. One for tomorrow and one for Friday, but thank god it's almost the weekend. Mandi had to leave so I hugged her goodbye and went to my room. I went to sleep early because I'm going to need my beauty sleep and also it's my first day of school tomorrow.
It's the first day of school? Tomorrow? What? Wow, you totally didn't already mention that on four separate occasions.
Its morning and its sunny.
I can almost picture it now.
I fix myself up and my uncle told me he could drive me to school on the first day. That was great! Now I don't have to ride the stinky bus.
Cool. Like honestly cool, tell me more.
I got to school and I was looking for my cousin Mandi.
I texted her saying, "where u @?"
She texted back and it said, "Oh, I forgot to mention that I go to a private school, so we won't be together. :(" I was extremely sad/mad. Who am I supposed to talk to now?
How did you forget to mention that? You wouldn't think to at least drop a hint while your cousin was talking about how she needed an outfit for the first day of school?
All of a sudden a girl bumps into me, she turns around, and says, "Oh hell no girl, who the hell do you think you are, bumping into me huh?!?"
I didn't say anything because I was looking at her as if I've seen her before... she stared at me for a while and confusingly said, "Heather? Is that you? It's me Leshawna!"
Okay, hold the phone. Mariah, I suggest you just make a fucking run for it. This girl is clearly insane; she switches from being angry that you bumped into her to being an emotion that I can only assume is happiness. Why is she so excited to see Heather?
I gasped. I didn't know Leshawna would be at McLean High! I told her that I'm not Heather and my name. LeShawna laughed and ask me to walk with her into the school.
... sorry, what? Which is it? Leshawna or LeShawna? Are these two different characters we're referring to?
She seemed really nice but after watching the Total Drama Series... I wasn't really sure if I could trust her.
Well, she sort of just tried to kill you after you bumped into her, so I'd suggest not trusting her. Whatever, it's your call.
We all went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast when we passed by this group of kids: three girls and one familiar looking boy. I made eye contact with him trying to figure out who he was. He turned around and looked at me and smiled! Leshawna was still talking to me but I stopped paying attention.
That's sweet. Leshawna doesn't need to be talked to, anyway; I mean, there's a cute boy at that table over there, right? So, whatever, she's irrelevant right now.
As he smiled at me, I smiled back in the worst face ever... wow great first impression Mariah. The bell rang and we had to go to class.
As everyone walked away, I stood in the middle of the hallway looking confused. The principal came and started shouting at me. "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL AND YOUR ALREADY TRYING TO DITCH?"
He looked at my schedule and knew who I was, since my uncle and dad went to that school. He asked, "You know who Jake and Armando are, don't you?" I told him yes. He chuckled and walked me to my chemistry class.
Holy fucking shit. What is wrong with your principal? How is he still employed?
For the first day we had to grab some chemical thing and pour it into the beaker.
I've noticed that our protagonist, as well as the surrounding characters, mention that this is the "first day of school" a lot. Do they mean that it's her first day? Because if this is the legit first day of school then nothing makes sense here.
Why was Mariah regularly attending her other school when this one hadn't even started yet? Why don't we even know the month that this is taking place in? Is it just not relevant to the story?
"Hiii!!!!!," a mysterious person screamed at me.
I got startled and almost spilled the tube filled with chemicals onto my clothes! I turned around and I was literally about to scream until I realized who she was.
Like, I'd wash that off right away but whatever. Just go fucking die. Who cares?
It was Beth.
She looked... different. Pretty but yet still annoying. Beth told me that she was going to be my partner for chemistry; I didn't have a problem with it as long as she doesn't interfere with what I'm doing.
It's now lunch and as I'm walking with all the books I got from the library, all of a sudden I bumped into something. I fell and scraped my knees. When I was looked up that boy from this morning helped me up and picked up my books for me.
As I saw his face, I realized it was Duncan!
He looked different and hotter...
Oh, haven't you heard? This school has a spa right by the science classroom. The students go there when they feel insecure, but the best part is that they get awesome makeovers!
Leshawna's a blonde now. Isn't that swell?
Wow, I had a crush on him when I was watching the first season. He gave them to me and smiled, and I made my dorky smile as I was getting my books.
He told me his name and he walked with to me get lunch. He told me that I look like Heather... great! Everyone tells me I look like Heather.
I wonder why that is. It could be because your design is a recolor of Heather, but it's probably not that. Hm, I can't put my finger on it...
We were standing in line talking, he told me about his adventures in the Total Drama Series and what he did with the million and stuff. I was going to tell him if he wanted to hang out with me during lunch when this girl comes up in front of me and talks to Duncan. "Baby, you were suppose to wait for me by the gym room."
Duncan replied by saying, "I'm sorry babe it won't happen again." Then, out of nowhere, they started making out!
Wow, that's... really rude, actually. What a dick. He just starts swapping spit with his girlfriend in the middle of a conversation? Why would you even like this guy?
I just stood there, shocked. When I turned around, luckily, Leshawna was there. LeShawna passed by and I told Duncan I was leaving. He was about to say, "Alright nice meeting y-," when his girlfriend interrupted him.
As I walked away, Camilla glared at me, her eyes full of envy.
Whoah, whoah. I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Who is Camilla? I guess we're supposed to assume that it's Duncan's girlfriend even though she was never properly named.
And who the fuck stuck a pole up this girl's ass? Why would she even be jealous? They were talking. Are you honestly telling me that this character is so overprotective of her boyfriend that she won't even let him talk to another chick?
As I walked away, I asked Leshawna who she was. Leshawna replied by saying she was Camilla - The most evil person ever.
... are you shitting me? No, that has to be a joke. Please tell me that was a joke.
Leshawna explained how Camilla treats Duncan badly, but Duncan doesn't care.
The bell rang and It was time to go home. I got on the bus, but when I was getting out, a little freshman boy cut me and started running home like crazy, and crying along the way. Everyone noticed him and laughed - except for me.
I wonder who he was...
Well gee, I don't know! But I bet we're gonna fucking find out, right?
And that's the end of this part, but I guess there's another section coming up. The name is my favorite part. Wait for it...
The Truth Behind the Running Kid
Its morning and Mandi had left me new clothes for today. I did my hair and put on my make-up. As I walked to the bus stop, I saw the little boy who runs home every day after school.
He was alone, so I walked up to him and said, "Hi! What's your name?" He looked at me in a scared expression. I could see fear in his eyes. He said in a low voice "Michael."
Bitch, who are you trying to fool? That is Owen in a wig wearing a hat.
We got on the bus and I asked him if I could sit with him, to which he agreed. It got quiet for a while. I asked him why he runs home every day, instead of taking the bus.
He didn't want to tell me but I told him he could trust me. He looked away for a second, and I put my hands on his shoulders.
Please don't touch him. He didn't ask you for any of that.
"It's okay." I smiled. "I won't tell anyone."
He looked at me and smiled a bit. He frowned and quietly said "It's cause my little sister has terminal cancer and is going to pass away in about 3 to 4 months but... she doesn't want to go through the pain and just want's to end it. So everyday, I have to run home to make sure she doesn't kill herself."
I'm sorry, this is honestly very sad and all, but I don't understand why he couldn't just take the bus. It would probably be faster...
His eyes started to tear up. "My mom and dad passed away six years ago, and I only live with my grandma and my sister. My grandma is sick, also. They're the only people I have."
He started to breakdown crying.
"Wow that's very sad," I said as my eyes were getting watery but I didn't want to cry, even though it killed me inside.
Yeah, I bet it did, hon.
The day was relatively boring, up until Period 5 - Drama. As I walked into the room, there was a big stage, with lots of lights. I like the room, until I noticed someone... Camilla!
Along with her was her two sidekicks - Ana-Karen and Hailey. We had to stand on the stage, where the teacher, Mr. Lopez, chose three people to improve.
Improve on what?
The first thought in my head was to get picked with Camilla, but what do you know? Camilla, Ann-Karen and me had to do the improve skit.
Wow, what a coincidence. It's kind of funny that you just happened to wind up with Camilla and Ann-Karen. I'm sure it was just luck; I mean, it had nothing to do with the fact that is somehow going to add to the plot, right?
They glared at me, as I stood there. The time flied, and it was now lunch. Leshawna, Beth and me got our lunch and sat down. "So, who do you guys think is cute?" Leshawna asked. "I say Justin. He's this hottie from the bus stop."
I'm sorry, what? That's it? All they did was glare? We don't even get to know what happened. Also, why is Leshawna referring to Justin as someone that she saw at the bus stop? In case she's forgotten they sort of participated together in two consecutive seasons of Total Drama.
Jesus, these people are stupid.
Beth giggled. "Heh, I like a boy named Harold." Whoa. We all stared at her in confusion, mainly due to the fact Harold was a total nerd. But, then again, we can't blame her. This IS Beth.
With all due respect, I don't understand how Mariah is a likable character at all. She seems good-hearted but she is honestly so hard to root for. This girl is totally critical and vapid; why should I be cheering for a protagonist that judges a person so quickly?
Like yes, I know I'm judging right now, but that's because this is awful! Terrible! I've read better stories in the form of chain mail in the YouTube comments.
Leshawna asked me who my crush was. I replied no one but she knew I was lying. I gave in and I told her it was Duncan. Leshawna and Beth glanced at each other.
"What?" I asked. "Nothing..." they replied.
Yeah, there is absolutely no problem with you liking Duncan. Except for the minor fact that he is currently in a committed relationship. But I guess since she's trying to steal a guy away from "the most evil person ever", that makes it okay, right?
The bell rang and school was over. I went on the bus and I rode home with Michael. When I got off the bus Michael ran to his house. I couldn't get over what he told me and I started walking home.
Wait, what? I thought he didn't take the bus... nevermind, forget it. Nope, it's fine. It's not worth getting into.
I finally got home and there was a package in my room. It was my clothes! Yes! I started to put all the clothes away and went to Mandi's house later that day, we went in her pool and I started to talk to her about my first two days of school. We finally got out and we went inside to watch a movie.
The first two days were definitely interesting.
What did you talk about, Mariah? Can you please let your readers know a little bit about what's going on? Whatever. Moving onto chapter two, and judging by the title, it makes sense why this whole thing is written so poorly.
This is a smut fic, right? The dialogue, characters, and plot don't matter because it all leads up to Camilla getting boned?
Camilla Takes it Hard
I woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning. I wonder what's gonna happen. I'm waiting for Mandi to call me for we can head to the mall.
While I'm getting ready and doing my nails. Mandi finally comes and we drive to the mall. The we were there, we saw a dress store. We got a couple of things, regular girl things.
It's the beginning of the second chapter and our protagonist describes her adventure to the mall, where she buys a few dresses and some regular girl things. I would normally complain about the lack of description but I'm not really sure I want to know what she's buying.
However, when we exit, I see... guess who? DUNCAN.
Next to him, there's a boy. "Oo, who's he? He's hot," Mandi says as she points to the boy next to Duncan. I wanted to meet Duncan and Mandi wanted to meet the boy, so we went towards them.
That sounds like a reasonable compromise. I'm intrigued so far.
We made small talk with them, and Duncan introduced Junior to Mandi. Duncan went into the fitting room, and he called me to go with him. We went inside the fitting room and right before he said something, I heard someone say, "Hello, is someone in here?"
I recognized the voice! It was Camilla! I grabbed on to Duncan's waist. She went inside a room right next to ours.
I mean come on... out of all of them it had to be next to ours. Hailey was waiting outside with Mandi and Junior.
I was about to leave until --
"Kiss me," Duncan quietly said. I was shocked! I was so scared, and I put my head to his chest. I smiled and looked at him. "I think she's gone," I said.
I looked through the crack in the wall to see if she was, and no one was there. Yes! When I turned around, Duncan leaned over and kissed me!
We kissed some more, but all of a sudden, I hear a scream! It was Camilla! It turns out she didn't leave, and she saw us! Oh no!
Oh, no! You're a terrible person!
I turned around scared and Duncan nervously smiled.
You know what really turns girls on? A guy that has no remorse for cheating on his girlfriend with someone he met a day ago.
Don't give me any "love at first sight" crap because they literally said two words to each other and I don't even think he even knows this bitch's name.
Camilla ran out the fitting room crying! She started to push everyone out her way and knocking everything down. Camilla went into the bathroom with her make-up running down her face. She punched the mirror until it broke!
Mariah, shut up, you know damn well she didn't do any of that.
Camilla smirked. "I can't wait till Monday... hell will rise."
Last time I checked, this story is written in first-person narrative. How did you know what she said if you weren't in the bathroom with her?
I ran outside without looking at Duncan, grabbed Mandi's wrist and pulled her with me while I ran to the parking lot. Mandi was confused and she asked what had happened. I told her everything and I said that I needed to get out of here.
We went to Mandi's house since I was going to stay there for the night. We were gonna watch movies and I told her what happened today at the mall.
Didn't you just tell her? Why do you keep repeating yourself? And what's there to explain, other than the fact that you ruined a relationship and you're into a guy who's probably going to end up cheating on you? Dumb bitch.
Mandi was on her phone talking to Junior and I sent a message to my mom to see how everything is going. She didn't reply so I texted my sister. All she said was, "Daddy doesn't live here anymore, he moved out to our old house."
She knows! We know this information already! Why is this being repeated?
Me and Mandi went to bed. All night long I was thinking about the kiss. His muscles, his tattoo, the kiss... everything. I loved it.
But it happened at the wrong place and wrong time.
No fucking shit.
I woke up to a beautiful Sunday morning. I went home after saying good-bye to Mandi. As I went to my room, I noticed my phone had two new text messages.
The first one said, "Monday at lunch, you better hide, cuz imma get you."
Yeah, that's cool. Don't apologize or anything. Also, here's a tip, Mariah; if you don't want your lover's jealous, angry ex-girlfriend texting you, don't give her your number.
At this point I really just didn't give a damn.
Bad person, bad person, bad person, bad person, BAD PERSON.
The second one was by my sister. She told me she had bad news. I immediately called her. She answered the phone whilst crying. "He... hello?"
"Melissa, what's wrong?" I said. She responded crying harder than before. "Daddy... Daddy's gone..."
"Of course, he moved to the old house," I responded. She cried. "No... he's gone. He's not living in the world anymore."
Yeah, didn't you hear? He joined NASA a few days ago and now he's settled in with a few aliens on Mars. You should know this.
My heart dropped. I ran out of air, and shouted, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S GONE?" I heard another voice, which I recognized as my mother. "Hello? Mariah? It's your mother, sweetie."
Hey, Mariah, look! It's your Mom. Who still doesn't have a name.
"Mom, what happened? What's up with dad?" I screamed. She stayed quiet for a while. "I'm going to explain what happen, but please listen closely. Your father went out to a bar last night... he couldn't get over the divorce. He had a few too many and became drunk."
He went inside the car and started to drive in the dark. A car behind him had the head lights on, and it blinded him. He turned the wheel and he crashed into a tree. The cops came 20 minutes later, and I arrived to the area. He was still alive."
She then started to cry. "The ambulance was taking him away when..." She cryed even more. "... his last words to me were, 'Martha, I love you... I always have. Please forgive me for what I've done. This... this is for you.' He then gave me our wedding ring. 'I was going to get on my knees and beg you back... I love you Martha... I always will.' The paramedics took him away and on his way to the hospital, he died."
So, Martha's her name. Huh.
I was speechless. "I have to go, I'll talk to you later. I love you baby," she said while crying.
My heart sank into my chest. I thought about everything.
I really hope tomorrow won't be dramatic. I don't think I would be able to take it.
... what? Your father just died and you're still planning on going to school tomorrow? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Playing With Fire
Its Monday morning... I am NOT looking forward to today. I'm still sad about what happened yesterday.
Really? Yeah, no, most people just get over the tragic, untimely death of their beloved father in, like, a few hours.
But I can't miss school today.
What? Why the fuck not? Oh, yeah, I forgot, you have to piss off Camilla some more by flirting with her boyfriend.
On Saturday I while return back to Cancun to my dad's funeral and on Sunday night I will come back to California. I got to the bus and I didn't see Michael. I got to school and I was pretty much trying to hide until... "Mariah please report to the office" said the announcements.
I walked in the office and guess who I see, Camilla sitting next to Hailey and Ana-Karen mad dogging me while I walk to the counter.
They're... they're what? Mad dogging you? What is that?
The lady told me that the principal was waiting for me. Usually when you hear that, you think oh crap, what did I do know. When I got to the principal's office he told me to sit. "I'm sorry for your loss, I've known your father since when he was in this school" he said.
He pretty much talked about him the whole time. I got teary and I tried to not hear anything because I didn't want to be reminded so I just turned my check the other way.
You turned your what? I'm sorry, am I the only one that does not understand what is going on right now? And another thing, does this take place after Total Drama World Tour? Why is Duncan no longer with Gwen, or even Courtney, for that matter?
He read me stuff that my dad has done when he was in this school and he finally finished and I got up and left.
Chemistry was over and so was French, its lunch. And as I'm walking to the bathroom I noticed Ana-Karen was walking by my left so I turned right and Hailey was standing there! I enter when Camilla was standing there! I was surrounded!
Ooh, what are they gonna do? Accessorize you to death?
They began to walk closer to me and they cornered me! Omg I'm gonna die there gonna beat me up, what if they have guns, knives, bombs, or... a raiser! Omg im gonna cry.
If they had guns or knives or bombs this story would be a hell of a lot more interesting, but unfortunately those weapons are not allowed on school grounds you stupid bitch.
I DON'T WANNA BE BALD LIKE MY COUSIN HEATHER!
What? Now you tell us she's your cousin? Now? Earlier in the story, when everyone mentioned that you look exactly like Heather, you didn't think to tell us that there was some sort of relation between you two? Holy shit.
"oh heeeeeeell no guuuuuurl you better not be thinking of touching her!" I recognize that voice anywhere, LeShawna!!
Casual racism is great.
Camilla, Hailey & Ana-Karen stepped back. I moved next to LeShawna and LeShawna started to yell at them! I got out the bathroom and went walking somewhere else. Ever since that, they didn't talk to me the whole day. i got a text from Duncan saying to met him at the boy's lockers.
I thought it was the perfect time to tell him how I feel. When I got to the boy's lockers no one was there, all I heard were the showers running. I walked closer and the hot water turned into vapor and I couldn't see, when the vapor cleared Duncan was standing there in his towels! Like naked in his towels!
Please don't have sex. Nothing against erotic fiction but you are a terrible writer and I think a sex scene written by you is going to sound more horrific than anything.
I turned my head saying sorry, he chuckled and said it was ok. We sat down and I told him that I like him and I want to get to know him better, we were talking and laughing. I told him, "Does your tattoo have a meaning?"
he said, "yes it does, my mother was a sailor & she was a brave woman" "was?" I said. "yeah... was, she passed away when I was 12, I just got this tattoo done last month, this tattoo will always remind me of her" he said.
That shit's gonna stretch out when you get taller.
I thought, wow we do have a lot of things in common. The bell ringed. I got up and I was going to leave when he told me if I can wait for him while he changed for we can walk together to class. Oh my god! Yes! I turned around and he changed.
Why is that exciting? Doesn't everyone change? This guy isn't as awesome as you're making him out to be, y'know.
When he was done we walked together to English, we have English together.
... okay? I would've just assumed, but whatever...
The period was over and he walked me to my bus he kissed me in the check and left. When he left I turned around to step on the bus to get on. When I got on the first person I see if Camilla glaring at me like crazy. I looked away and sat in the back. I noticed Michael was in the middle row.
I was going to sit next to him but the bus moved. When we got to our stop I got off and Michael was... WALKING home! I wonder why though. I got home did my homework, & called Mandi, I asked her if she has been seeing Junior and she said yeah, I didn't know they both go to the same school. She also said that things are heating up between them.
I'm sorry, in all honesty, what does this have to do with anything? Are we supposed to care about Mandi and her new boyfriend? I don't even care about the main girl, why should I care about you?
She told me that she couldn't believe Camilla actually wanted to beat me up. We talked for hours after we were done I took a shower and went to sleep.
Your dad is still dead.
Oh wait, I forgot, that's not important anymore. Okay, chapter three.
Love in the Air
Today was hard to wake up. When I got up I like literally wanted to drag myself to the bathroom to shower. I got out and wore a pretty dress, curled my hair, and put on make-up.
I got to the bus and I saw Michael I sat next to him. I noticed he stop running yesterday so I assumed everything turned out okay. I was wrong.
You're always wrong. Why would you even assume... nevermind.
Michael sister died Monday morning, that's why he didn't appear in the morning. He was quiet the whole trip to school. I didn't even want to ask him, I felt so bad and i could see tears in his eyes.
When I arrived from school I went with LeShawna, we got to US History. My teacher, Mr. Orphanos wanted to test his new invention he made. It involved slime, mud, water, & baking soda.
Mr. Orphanos paired us up in 4, guess which 3 people I got! Camilla, Hailey, & Ana-Karen.
Wow. What another crazy coincidence. Honestly, how many people go to this school? Like eleven?
Effin Perfect. Camilla was mad dogging me the whole time, Ana-Karen was taking to this guy, & Hailey was fixing her make-up.
What the fuck does that mean?
That means I have to do everything. Camilla wanted me to not touch anything so she tossed the baking soda in the bowl, like the WHOLE baking soda & it blew up! It landed on our hair!
Mr. Orphanos sent us to the girl's locker to wash our hair. LeShawna came with me & Hailey & Ana-Karen went with Camilla. I started the water and started to wet my hair, Camilla, Ana-Karen,& Hailey put some blue liquid in my shampoo but I didn't know!
I'm sorry, what? Where did they acquire that from? And what kind of blue liquid are we referring to?
When I was about to put some shampoo on LeShawna grabbed it and I was like what are you doing?
Dammit, is the letter capitalized or not? Decide, woman!
When Hailey, Ana-Karen, and Camilla wasn't looking LeShawna switch mine with Camilla's. Camilla grabbed the shampoo and used it! Me and LeShawna started to giggle. When we left the locker I heard Camilla scream!
Her hair turned blue! Oh my god! That was sooo funny. She slammed the door opened & she walked up to me. She starting yelling at me and I couldn't help it but just laugh! omg that made my day.
Hey, when are you going to apologize for kissing her boyfriend?
Its lunch and 4&5 are over and Duncan waited for me when I got out of drama. We went to go get lunch and we were walking by the lockers. Jorge, Duncan's friend, gave us an invitation to a pool party tomorrow.
We sat down in a bench together alone, he told me that he really likes me and he's over Camilla. I told him that we should take it slow, he was fine with it.
... slow? You've already seen him naked...
But... at the same time I also liked him a lot and I did want to see if we can be something. Nate, Duncan's cousin, was passing by next to Camilla, Camilla saw us and she hugged Nate when they passed by us. She started to sweet talk him and she was just making it sooo obvious that she's trying to get us jealous, like come on girl.
Yeah girl, come on. Stop mad dogging them, girl.
Nate likes Camilla, but Camilla doesn't like Nate, she's just using him. We ignored them and turned around.
Lunch was over and he walked me to my last class, where I have Beth and Hailey. When we were at the door I hugged him, while I was hugging him he said, "Kiss me".
But what he really meant to say was "make me a sandwich". Guy-speak.
I smiled and nodded, I kissed him on the check and went inside.
... ugh, I'm sorry, what? Check?
He left smiling and he got late to his class for leaving me to mine. Hailey told me she couldn't believed what I did to Camilla, Beth laughed.
Math was over and Duncan was waiting for me outside, how sweet. While we were walking to my bus, I saw Camilla behind me, MAD DOGGING ME!
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?
Ugh get over yourself.
NO, MARIAH. NO.
I grabbed Duncan's hand so we were holding hands the whole way to the bus, this must of gotten Camilla REEEEALLY mad.
YOU ARE AWFUL.
Duncan kissed my check.
OH MY GOD.
He said goodbye, when I stepped on the bus, I DIDN'T HAVE MY BUS PASS!! I left it home! The bus driver told me to sit in the first seat. Camilla got on and she didn't have her bus pass!
And guess what, she HAD to sit next to me! The whole bus ride we didn't look at each other. Awkward.
I HATE THIS FUCKING STORY.
... okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. This chapter will be over soon, breathe Ryan...
I got off the bus and Michael and me went walking together. He got to his house and I hugged him goodbye. I arrived home and I dropped myself on the floor. HOME SWEET HOME. I changed, took a shower and went to sleep. Tomorrow they cancelled school because it was a holiday.
I'm sorry, what? They just cancelled school? Just like that? What kind of fucking school does that? What holiday is it? Why can't I know these things?
So I'm exited to go to the pool party. I just hope Camilla doesn't show up.
Gee, I wonder if she'll show up or not!
Man I was tired, I slept early but I woke up late! The pool party was in 30 min! I ran to my closet and picked out a bikini and put it on. I went to my uncle's room and asked him if he could take me, he said yes.
When I arrived I was looking around if I knew anybody, Duncan was already in the pool. I was walking towards the pool when someone had bumped into me!
It was Camilla. She said, "Watch where you're going retard" and she gave me a dirty look while she walked away, oh and her hair is brown again.
That's... cool? Is she more antagonistic when her hair is brown? I don't like that word, by the way, so I'm Team Mariah for now.
It's not that I don't like her, it's that she drives me crazy like I can stand her! Duncan saw me and came towards me. He hugged me and we sat down. I told him that I woke up late and I was just going crazy.
We went in the pool and we started to play marco polo and watevers, it was getting dark and I was about to leave till... Duncan pulled me back and he told me to get in the jacuzzi.
NO. DON'T DO IT. THIS IS HARASSMENT. YOU HAVE A CASE HERE.
I mean my uncle doesn't come till like, 30 min. we got in and we turned on the bubbles. He got closer to me and whispered to me, "I want to call you mine".
Probably because he doesn't know your name. And I'm pretty sure like half the school thinks you're a hooker.
I smiled and like immediately said "yes"! omg omg omg I was so happy, we went underwater and we kissed.
I dare any one of you to try that in real life. Anyone. How the fuck is that even comfortable?
We got out of the Jacuzzi I noticed Camilla standing there looking at me like pissed like more pissed then before, when Duncan turned around Camilla grabbed Nate and kissed him, I didn't care and I was about to pull Duncan with me when he like pulled his arm back, he was starring at them with anger.
I thought well maybe cause him and Camilla dated and Nate is his cousin so... yeah. Duncan was about to like charge against Nate but I stopped him, he seemed more mad then I was. I just really hope it wasn't jealousy. My uncle came and I left, I kissed Duncan behind the fence and ran out and inside the car. I got home and I went to sleep.
Mariah, I'm sorry. I just don't even know what is going on. Duncan is mad? Why is Duncan mad? Please just tell me that, Mariah, I'm not asking for much here.
Its morning and for some reason they cancelled school for the rest of the week.
THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN. WHAT THE HELL? WHY WOULD THEY JUST DO THAT?
Mandi and I were going to the mall since we were going to meet Duncan and Junior. We got to the mall and we went to the movies, we bought our tickets and we had to wait for 30 minutes for the movie to start.
All this girl does is watch movies, make out, and sleep. I don't think I've ever seen this bitch touch food.
We walked to Star Bucks to buy a frappe. Mandi and I went to the bathroom just to talk, we turned on the water just to make it sound like we were cleaning our hands.
... why? What does that accomplish? What is the purpose of this story?
I told Mandi that Duncan and me were in a relationship she was like happy and like all jumping up and down.
Was she jumping down or not? What do you mean by she was "like all jumping up and down", can you please just end the chapter so I can go cut a giant hole in my head and drown myself in a pool of my own blood? Like I'm really begging at this point.
Mandi told me that she had a little thing going on with Junior and I was happy for her. We were going to leave the bathroom when my lipstick was about to fall down in the drain, when I reached my hands in the water automatically turned on and wet my hands.
I told Mandi to just go while I dried my hands. I was looking around for paper towels and there wasn't any. I found a newspaper and decided to use that to wash my hands.
Listen... girl. Just get to the point, I don't have time for any of this nonsense.
Before I used it to clean it I read on the top title saying "Mother injured and daughter killed by drunk driver" I felt sad but I didn't want to read it since I'm kind of a emotional person so I just cleaned my hands on the newspaper and left.
You're kind of an emotional person? You got over your father's death in about six minutes. I beg to differ.
We went inside the movies and we started to watch it. The movie was a dubbed version of Total Drama Action. And it sucked because it was in Japanese and I didn't understand it much.
WHY DID YOU SEE A MOVIE IN JAPANESE IF YOU CAN'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THEATERS WORK? YOU HAVE A VARIETY OF OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM WHEN YOU SELECT WHAT MOVIE YOU'D LIKE TO WATCH. NOT ALL OF THEM ARE IN JAPANESE.
After the movie we went to the fair and got on some rides, when we got off we went to a pizzeria across the fair. Duncan and I were making line and Mandi and Junior stayed behind to find a table for we can sit in. when I turned around Junior and Mandi were kissing!
We got 4 slices of pizza, one for everyone. It was getting late, we said goodbye to the boys and we left. I stayed over Mandi's house because we had to go to Toys R Us in the morning for we can buy a present for Mandi's nephew since tomorrow's his birthday.
Good for him. I bet he's really happy that school is cancelled, right? Right? Because of this holiday that we have never fucking heard of? Yeah.
Driven in Tears
I woke up and I went to Mandi's house, when I got there we left to Toys R Us for the Present. When we got there we were walking around. We saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: "Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?" The old lady replied: "You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear."
Then why the fuck are you in a toy store?
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
This is child abandonment. A little boy can't be taken care of because Granny has to go find herself a hot piece of man-candy? Jesus.
Finally, we walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
Mandi replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to us sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God."
"Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister." My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at us and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
So, our protagonist does the first decent thing we have seen her do this entire story and helps the little boy pay for his doll. By the way, I want to point out that this entire scene was ripped off almost word-for-word from some story on the internet.
Very creative, Mariah, very creative.
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. We quickly reached for our wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?"
We added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at us and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!"
God killed your sister.
But yeah, let's keep reading.
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and we left to another counter. We noticed that we didn't have enough money to buy a toy for Mandi's nephew! We had given the boy almost everything we had.
No offense but like! You are so. Fucking. Dumb. Seriously.
We could have just not given him money and walked away but I felt so sad for the little boy. We couldn't get the little boy out of our mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article yesterday, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
Was this the family of the little boy?
We left the place, teary-eyed, The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
YOU STOLE THIS. THIS IS NOT YOUR WORK MARIAH. Fuck.
It's a nice day and I had a text from Duncan. It said, "Good Morning Babe, How Did You Sleep Last Night? Let's Get Dinner Later Tonight". I smiled, got out of bed and took a shower. When I got out I went to my closet to get something nice to wear. I straightened my hair and put on my heels.
It was already 2PM and dinner is at 6PM. I called Mandi to see what she was doing. I asked Mandi to come and help me put on make-up since she always does hers pretty. When she came we went in the bathroom and she got her make-up bag out.
"Ok, when I apply the make-up to your face, you have to close your eyes until I'm done." Mandi said. "Um... alright then". I closed my eyes and she was putting make-up on my face. "Done" she said. When I opened my eyes... I LOOKED LIKE A FREAKING CLOWN! OMG! She made my face look like a clown! Mandi was laughing hard and she chuckled, "ha alright, get the towel, wash off your face and I'll start for real's". Mandi finally finished and she actually did do a good job.
... what? What the fuck? What the shit was the point of that fucking scene? That's not helping the plot. That's not even funny; why is your cousin such a... Jesus fucking Christ, I don't even know what to say.
Mandi and I went to say bye to my uncle. I walked out and the wind was blowing my hair to the side. I couldn't grab my hair since my hands were busy trying to pull my dress down. I got on the car and left to Filippi's. I sat down at a table and Duncan wasn't here yet. I grabbed my bag look through it, looking for my phone. I finally found it.
I turned it on and it said one text message from Mandi. I was about to push open but my phone died! Great. i check the watch I wore and it's been an hour. I was waiting... and waiting... and waiting. i checked my watch and it's been officially 2 hours and 30 min!
I got up mad and walked outside. My phone was dead so I couldn't call anybody! It was also dark. I went walking home, it wasn't that far. I heard thunder over me. I walked faster. I passed by Starbucks and when I looked through the window... I saw Duncan... with Camilla. They were laughing and smiling and having fun. Then, Duncan kissed her.
Ha! Looks like this story has a decent lesson to it; don't steal other people's boyfriends. Do you feel hurt? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel like you can never love anyone again?
I wonder how Camilla felt...
I felt like, someone just stabbed me in the heart. Ironically it rained.
Hahaha, that's my favorite line in this shit story, anyway.
I ran away crying. I went to Mandi's house since it was closer. I banged on the door and she opened. "Oh dear, come in" she said. "I-I saw, I saw Duncan with Camilla" I said crying. "I know", said Mandi.
Wow, you're a supportive friend. What are you going to do next? Tell her that she's stupid and that she deserved it? I mean, it's true and all, but come on, girl, don't mad dog her.
"What...". I said in a low voice looking at her. "Well... didn't you get any of my texts?" she said. "My phone died... I didn't couldn't read it"
Wait, what? Which one is it? You didn't or couldn't?
"I'm so sorry" "He's the one who's going to be sorry" I walked out the house and slammed the door. I got home and went straight to my room. I locked the door and the first thing I saw was a picture frame of me and Duncan. I threw it at the wall.
Edgy. I hope someone throws your face against a wall next too.
I grabbed the teddy he won for me at the carnival and I ripped the head off. I sat down and cried. Why would he do this to me? I needed him. I loved him. I cared for him. Bullshit.
Mariah, no. You're not making sense AGAIN. I feel like I would like you more if you made sense. Bullshit what? What is bullshit? Please rewrite that whole sentence and then delete your life.
It was a windy cold Monday. Beth was absent so I stayed with LeShawna. I didn't pay attention in any of my classes. It was lunch and I was Duncan walking with his friends. I think he was walking to me.
I went inside the bathroom, waiting for him to leave. He didn't. I walked outside and he was waiting for me. Why? "Hey babe, let's go get lunch" he said. What? "I'm not hungry..." I said
Haven't you read the story, Duncan? This bitch doesn't eat.
"let's go to the back and chill like we always do" he said while grabbing my arm. "No thank you, I'm gonna hang out with LeShawna" I said while pulling my arm back.
"Why are you acting weird?" "Why didn't you show up yesterday?" "Show up? Show up where?" "You sent me a text saying-" I didn't finish saying what I was going to say "Hi Duncan, oh... it's you" said Camilla I left without saying anything.
I don't... I'm not even going to try and decipher that. Next.
Duncan followed me and pulled me back. "What is wrong with you" "First of all you didn't even show up to eat. You left me waiting!" "Eat? I never..." I showed him the text he sent me.
Camilla grabbed my phone and saw the text "amm, this is the same text he sent me. She showed me her phone and she had the same text". "Why Duncan"
"Because he doesn't love you, he still loves me" she said in a bitter way. She took him and he didn't even say anything. LeShawna just stood there starring at me knowing that I wasn't just gonna stand there and do anything.
But you did stand there. And you didn't anything. So... like?
School was over and I sat next to Michael. I got home and threw my stuff on the floor. I jumped on my bed and I started to cry. "I can't believe he played me" I said to myself. My phone ranged and it was Duncan. I didn't pick up... till the 4 time.
"What do you want?" "Please listen to me I-" "NO YOU LISTEN TO ME, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 2 HOURS"
Okay, hi, yeah, can you calm the fuck down for a second so we can listen to him?
"Babe calm down" "AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP, I GOT UP AND LEFT. I PASSED BY STARBUCKS AND I SAW YOU AND CAMILLA SO DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWM, I SAW YOU KISS HER AND DON'T EVEN DENY IT"
Yeah, no, that's cool, just keep yelling.
"Please... hear me out" "Not this time, it's over. I'm done." "Stop calling me that! I'm not your baby anymore" I hanged up.
He's calling you that because he doesn't know your name. FUCKING INTRODUCE YOURSELF.
My uncle came in the room and sat next to me. "Friday... Friday is your last day here. You're leaving back to Cancun." "Thank God" I said quietly.
Ugggggghhh. The only thing complicated about this story is understanding why it was written in the first place. Okay, next chapter.
Well, guys, it's been almost six months since I last updated this commentary and Mariah has not posted another chapter of this awful, awful story yet. In fact, the fanfiction has now been deleted off the wiki it was previously on and I'm pretty sure she, too, has grown sick of these characters, so there will be no more chapters of Complicated from now on.
But that doesn't mean I'm not finishing my commentary. How is it fair that she cancels such a deliciously horrible story only one or two chapters away from the resolution? In order to properly finish this story we're just going to have to make up our own ending. So here I go.
I'm Trying Too Hard to Make These Chapter Titles Deep
It's morning. I wake up and it's beautiful just like me. Unfortunately it's also my last day of school. I'm like sort of totally an emotional person so like I was sad. I go to school and there's Leshawna. Yes, that's right, there she is, LeShawna. I love Leshawna. LeShawna is so kind. I wish I knew how to spell her name correctly. Boo-hoo.
Eventually after a few periods we got lunch break and I was so relieved, until I saw Camilla! I would love to see other people but this school only has like nine students so I'm basically fucked. Anyway so then Camilla, the most evil person ever, had the nerve to walk over to me.
So obviously the first thing she did was mad dog me. She was like all glaring and stuff and so I decided to call her out on why she's such a bully.
"Camilla," I said. "Why are you so mean?" "Simple," she replied. "I'm a one-dimensional antagonist with no redeeming character traits. I'm just here as an obstacle for you and I don't really have a personality; I'm just bitchy and super-evil."
"You shouldn't have taken Duncan from me. That was wrong." "YEAH, GURL, SPEAK THE TRUTH," Leshawna screamed. "I JUST LOVE BEING BLACK BECAUSE I CAN SUPPORT MY WHITE SISTAS. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR." "He was mine," Camilla said. "I had him first."
"Yeah, but you're evil," I reminded her. "Even if you guys share something special you don't deserve it because you're the antagonist and I have every right to take your boyfriend from you because I'm pretty and quirky." "Whatever, he chose me and not you."
"The writer of this story is really fucking lazy and we need a way to resolve this conflict so we're just going to make up an excuse to why you're such a bad person, okay?" I suggested. "Sure thing!" Camilla said. "Let's go with the excuse that my parents are divorcing so that's why I'm so bitter.
"No way, my parents divorced too! And then my dad died but whatever, that's like so four days ago." "You know I can't believe we have all of this in common, Mariah! I'm sorry I was so mean to you. I should've been happy that you made out with my boyfriend in a changing room while we were still going out."
"Don't worry about it, you're a good guy now that you've apologized for your actions so we can be friends," I giggled. "Aren't I cute and charming? I can't think of a single person who hates me at this school. No really, aside from you, your posse, Duncan, Leshawna, Beth, I haven't talked to anyone at this school."
"Here I am," Duncan smiled. "Oh, Mariah, I miss you! I'm so sorry I cheated on you, that was really not cool. Totally mad doggy." "Duncan, it's okay, I forgive you. Let's make out." "Okay." "He's all yours," Camilla smiled. "Hey, did my posse die or something?"
Suddenly the bell ringed. "EVERYONE GET BACK TO CLASS," the principal screamed. "OR I'LL ASSUME YOUR SKIPPING WITH NO REASONABLE JUSTIFICATION FOR DOING SO."
This Story Sucks
So there I was at the airport and Duncan was there because school got cancelled for the rest of the year. Don't ask why; things just work differently in California. All of my friends were there, too, including Camilla, who I have now befriended.
"One last kiss, baby?" Duncan asked. "No. I've decided that I'm over you." "What are you talking about? We were just swapping spit a few seconds ago." "Yes, but I'm a materialistic, slutty bimbo so I'm going to do the first noble thing I've ever done and dump you because you're a player and a tool and your tattoos are stupid. Seriously, it looks like you were babysitting some kids and they just drew all over your back with a box of Crayola."
"But I'm the love interest. Despite how much I come off as a douchebag, we need to end up together because apologizing will instantly fix anything." "Earlier in the story in chapter one I mentioned that one of my cute male friends admitted to liking me right before I left. I decided to make him the love interest."
"Oh. We all just assumed you mentioned him for no reason. I mean, let's be honest, you don't know really know where this story is going, do you?" Beth asked. "No, I have no fucking idea what I'm writing. This story was originally supposed to be about how complicated my life was but then I just started having fun fucking up everyone else's lives," I explained.
"Interesting," LeShawna noted. "You've made such good friends here though! And this story has to have some sort of happy ending... if you don't get the guy, you at least have to stay friends with us." "Oh yeah, I'm going to just tell the readers that once I got home we kept in touch for a really long time but secretly I'll have forgotten about you guys on the plane ride there."
"But we're such good friends," Leshawna frowned. "Really because I don't even fucking know if the S in your name is capitalized or not!" I laughed.
Then everyone laughed. Ironically it rained.
Now I'm Back Home, Can This Story Please Fucking End Already
I got back home and took off my flesh suit and sat on the bed.
Then I pondered to myself about my life and how complicated it is. You know what's really complicated? Losing a father and not caring. Also having to move to California for about two weeks for reasons that are never quite explained.
Also I stole a boy from someone and he cheated on me but even though I was supposed to end up with him in the end, I didn't, because whoever is writing this story right now is way fucking smarter than the actual author, who would probably come up with some cliché ending involving white doves and chocolate which will one day give me diabetes.
I'm just so happy that I'm back home even though I've learned absolutely nothing during my time away. What was the point of this story being written if I started out as a cold, materialistic bitch and ended up as a cold, materialistic, homewrecking bitch?
I don't know. What has this story taught anyone? I don't know. And why did the real author just give up after three chapters? That I know. It's because this story is awful.
If I was a real person someone would have punched me in the face by now.
Hey, what the fuck happened to that kid with the dead sister?